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Showing Vs. Telling

Razi Hecker


The Concept: When writing a college essay, we have a limited space—650 words or just a few minutes of reading time—to bridge the gap between the writer and the reader. The goal is to connect with the admissions officer so deeply that the distance between their world and ours fades away. 

Analysis: The admissions officer reads thousands of essays, and your ability to make them feel personally connected to your story is what can make your application stand out. Achieving this level of connection requires engaging writing that draws the reader into your experiences, emotions, and personal growth. It’s not just about what you say but how you say it. This is where "showing" instead of "telling" plays a pivotal role.


Showing vs. Telling: Basic Level (Descriptions)Intro: The first layer of showing vs. telling comes with using descriptions and narration to immerse the reader in your story. Descriptions help situate the reader, giving them a sense of place, time, and emotion.

BAD Example: "I was excited to leave my house so I opened the door, and it was cold outside."Here, the writing is flat and overly processed. It summarizes the action instead of painting a picture of the moment. The reader doesn’t get to experience the excitement or the cold firsthand because they are being told what happened rather than shown. This style mirrors casual conversation but lacks the sensory depth required for a compelling essay.

Analysis: When we describe experiences conversationally, we strip away the raw, sensory details that make those moments come alive. Admissions officers need to feel like they are stepping into the writer's shoes, not just reading a report.

GOOD Example: "I quickly ran down the stairs and flung open my front door, and was hit by a sudden burst of frigid air."This example begins to show instead of tell. The verbs (“ran down,” “flung open”) add energy, while “burst of frigid air” gives the reader a sensory detail to connect with. It’s still a bit generic, but it conveys more than the BAD example.

Analysis: Adding action and sensory descriptions makes the moment feel more alive. However, even in this version, some phrasing (“ran down the stairs”) is cliché and doesn’t fully capture excitement in a creative way.

GREAT Example: "Skipping three steps at a time, I practically hurdled myself to the first floor before wrapping my fingers around the doorknob and pushing, only to be greeted by an impressive icicle staring me in the face."Here, the writing becomes vibrant and specific. The excitement is shown through “skipping three steps” and “practically hurdled,” while the description of the icicle adds vivid imagery to the cold. The sentence structure is also dynamic, which reflects the energy of the moment.

Analysis: This level of showing uses vivid, creative language and sensory details to immerse the reader. The unique phrasing makes the moment memorable, and the reader can feel the writer’s excitement and the chill of the air.


Showing vs. Telling: Complex Level (Growth)Intro: Beyond descriptions, showing vs. telling applies to the way we illustrate personal growth and transformation in our essays. A compelling essay doesn’t just describe change; it immerses the reader in the process of change itself.

BAD Example: "I was upset that my friend and I were drifting apart. So I started working harder to make us closer, and we became better friends again."This example summarizes the growth without illustrating it. The reader is left with no sense of the emotional journey, the specific actions taken, or the stakes involved. It feels like a hollow report of events.

Analysis: Merely stating what happened and how it was resolved lacks the depth required to connect emotionally with the reader. Growth is most impactful when the reader experiences it alongside you, rather than being told about it after the fact.

GOOD Example: "It didn’t take long for me to realize that I wasn’t getting invited as much as before, and that our calls were becoming more infrequent. Hoping to counteract this, I’d give her calls after school and invite her over increasingly often."This version begins to show the growth process. The reader can see the problem (fewer invitations and calls) and the steps the writer took to address it (calling and inviting more often). There’s a narrative here, but it could still benefit from more specificity and emotional depth.

Analysis: This example improves by including actions and a hint of emotion, but it remains somewhat surface-level. The steps taken feel mechanical and lack a sense of struggle or stakes. Growth is more compelling when we see the incremental challenges and breakthroughs.

GREAT Example: "Soon, weeks at a time seemed to go by with merely basic pleasantries exchanged, our once-packed iMessages now barren save for the occasional emoji. Determined to reverse this isolating trend, I started small: a casual text here, a quick phone call there. Slowly, these moments built into longer conversations, late-night FaceTime calls, and plans that reminded us of the friendship we’d built. It wasn’t easy—I often worried about overstepping or seeming desperate—but each small gesture added up, and eventually, we found our rhythm again."

This version immerses the reader in the emotional and practical aspects of the growth. The reader feels the weight of the distance (“weeks at a time,” “barren iMessages”) and experiences the writer’s determination and small wins through vivid descriptions. The struggle is evident, making the eventual success more rewarding.

Analysis: Great essays don’t just tell us about growth—they show us the process in detail, complete with setbacks, emotions, and small victories. The use of sensory and emotional language in this example creates a compelling, relatable narrative that draws the reader in. The stakes feel real, and the transformation resonates.


Final Thoughts: Showing vs. telling is about inviting the reader into your world, letting them experience your story as if they were there. Through vivid descriptions and immersive narratives, you can bridge the gap between writer and reader, leaving a lasting impression that stands out in a competitive admissions process. Always ask yourself: Am I helping the reader see, feel, and understand my experience, or am I simply summarizing it?


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